Now that I'm old
I want to act like a kid
So I'm coming to your house
And do all you once did

I'll climb on the chairs
And stand on the table
Run through the house
As long as I'm able

I'll pull the cat's tail
To the point of tears
I kick the dog
Then fill up his ears

And when the phone rings
I'll take my cue
That's the time for me
To start talking to you

I'll feed the gold fish
'Til he floats on his side
Then you can wonder
Just why did he die?

I'll fill up the sink
With water so clean
Make a waterfall
Like you've never seen

And when you go
To answer the door
Will give me some time
To fool around some more

I'll pull out the drawers
And dump them all out
I won't even listen
When I hear you shout

When dinner is served
Don't expect me to eat
Unless you have something
Chocolate and sweet

Please don't ask me
To say 'table grace'
'Cause I'll hold my breath
'Til I turn blue in the face

If you buy me a gift
I won't like it, take it back
I'll play with the box
I'd rather have that

I'll create a scene
Right there by the tree
By opening presents
Not meant for me

I'll talk about things
You don't want me to say
I'll embarrass you
On this Christmas day

I'll take off my gloves
And throw one away
And keep everyone searching
'Til the end of the day

When we sing carols
I'll sing off key
Then I'll start crying
If you look at me

Then I'll pout
Be ugly as can be
So you'll remember
You spent Christmas with me

Merry Christmas!
Love, Mother