Feed My Sheep

He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. He saith to him again the second time...lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Feed my sheep
John 21:15-17

Not only did Jesus instruct the disciples to feed his lambs, but he also told them to feed the sheep. A sheep is a full grown lamb. How is the food for sheep different from that of lambs?

Lambs feed on mother's milk. They nibble the sweetest and tenderest of the plants that mother nibbles, They lick gently at the flowing water until they learn to put their lips to the stream and suck in the life-giving water. And that is all well and good and right and proper. But sheep cannot live on the dainties of the pasture. There isn't enough sustenence in the goodies and dainties to maintain a healthy adult. The sheep must graze the tough grasses and the twiggy branches. They must chew the coarse stems of the large bushes. The must have the strong sustaining nutrients only found in those tough tissues.

Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him;. . . Of whom we have many things to say, and hard to be uttered, seeing ye are dull of hearing. For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. Hebrews 5: 8 -14

The people of God are only to desire the sincere milk of the word as 'babes in Christ, but the writer also tells them to partake of the strong meat. A lamb who is fed only and constantly on milk and tiny dainty sprouts never grows to adulthood but soon weakens and dies. More is needed to sustain life than milk and dainty nibblings. The same is true of the child of God who refuses to partake of the stronger things of the Word. The Christian who only wants to hear about God's Love and the Wonderful Salvation and oh-how-sweet-to-trust-in-Jesus, soon weakens in his ability to stand against the attack of Satan. He falters under the winds of affliction and finally loses his soul for lack of strength in the Lord. To grow into strong adults in Christ we must be willing to sit under sound doctrine---teachings requiring a holy life, teachings about being a light to the world and being an example of righteousness in all things, teachings about the standards for God's People, teachings explaining the wiles of the enemy and the battles to be fought,

Salvation and the love of God are wonderful things. And the sure knowledge of being one of God's children is a blessed treasure. But there is more to serving the Lord. There are battles to be fought, disappointments to face, temptations and false accusations abound---These all require a hearty diet of the strong meat of the Word.

Depression

"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through GOD to the pulling down of strong holds. Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of GOD, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." (2 Cor. 10:4-5)

I would like to share an experience I had several years ago, in an effort to help some who may be having problems with depression or similar trials. I have learned, and am still learning about these two verses in 2 Corinthians.

I've always been a shy person with a tendency to remain quiet in a group, but this tendency went to an extreme several years ago. It didn't happen overnight, but over a period of time as I listened more and more to "the devil", I began to feel sorry for myself. All the other ladies were married and conversations usually centered around husbands and children. The devil told me that since I was single I didn't have anything important to say, so I should keep quiet. I became more and more introverted as I listened to thoughts such as "you're not important to anyone," "no one loves you," "you can't even love anyone."

I was so convinced that no one loved me and that I couldn't love anyone...until I was so bound I couldn't communicate at all. I was so negative and so depressed that I'd spend my free time out walking around crying out to GOD for help, yet never seemed to touch GOD. Many nights were almost entirely spent in weeping. I began to miss meal-times so that I wouldn't be required to talk. I would leave home without telling anyone where I was going.

It was obvious to those around me that something was wrong. Yet when they tried to help me I wouldn't listen. I would simply say that nothing was wrong. The Campbells (who I lived with at the time) tried to counsel me and also our minister tried. I just wouldn't listen.

Finally, one night God had mercy on me and gave me a dream. I saw myself walking down a road looking up into the sky. In the sky I saw a little lamb being led by a dark man. The man led the lamb up to an arched doorway and forced him through the door. At the other side of the door there were two parallel lines of animals and as the lamb walked between the lines, the animals would beat him with sticks. Yet he walked meekly on to the end. The man was waiting for him there and led him back around to the front of the doorway to force him back through the lines. This happened several times and as I watched I became angry that the lamb would meekly follow the man. He didn't have to; he could resist and fight back. The man couldn't make him go through the door. Then I saw myself turn around and go back home to talk with our minister.

The next morning I went to talk with our minister...and told him of my dream. He told me that he felt GOD had given the dream to show me what I had to do to get out of the depression, that I, like the little lamb, was meekly submitting to the devil and allowing him to keep me in darkness. I didn't have to listen and follow meekly; I could resist and fight back; in fact I was going to have to fight back.

My pastor didn't try to convince me that I was important or that people loved me. He didn't have to. When I began to resist the devil and communicate with people, I knew where those thoughts had come from. Satan had been accusing GOD'S people of being unloving toward me and accused me of being unloveable. When I began to listen to the truth, I saw GOD. If GOD is in us then love is there for GOD is love.

I had always interpreted the verse in 2 Cor. 5, "casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God," as thoughts such as "Lucifer had": "I will be like the most high GOD." I didn't realize nor see that any thought (whether we think it is meek or high) that is not in agreement with GOD, is in reality exalting itself against the knowledge of GOD. GOD'S word is true and brings peace, rest, and light, not darkness and unrest. I thank God for this dream, but it didn't bring deliverance. There's no dream, or like experience, that can bring deliverance. It only comes through obedience to GOD'S word. Regardless of how the word comes, we must obey it and deliverance will come.

I had to fight. I had to resist those thoughts, not with earthly carnal weapons, but as in 2 Cor. 4: "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through GOD to the pulling down of strong holds." The scriptures say, "Resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 4:7. Remember, if God is in us, "Greater is he that is within you than he that is in the world."

How God Delivered Me

I tried many times to write this testimony, but I just couldn't do it. We're overjoyed when the Lord does something for us and I couldn't figure out why it was so hard to put it into words. I think the answer is that we're proud to wear the new robe, but we hate to be stripped naked first. We would all love to have a testimony in which the Lord sent us a great trial, He counted us faithful, and then He blessed us in a mighty way. My testimony is more like this: The Lord sent me a little trial, He found me lacking, and in spite of myself, He blessed me in a mighty way. We get so hung up on what we did, when the only thing that really matters is what the Lord did.

It seems like we have all been under so much stress lately. Every day becomes a juggling act as we strive to do it all and learn it all out in this busy world. At least this was true for me. I gave up the time I used to spend for fellowship and prayer so I would have more time to study. I was saying plenty of those, "Don't let me fail this test," or "Don't let me run out of gas," prayers, but I never really met with the Lord anymore. ln order to have Fridays off, I took a late Wednesday class, even though I knew that I would miss most of the services. One by one, I laid down the things of the Lord so that I would have more time. I never had more time though, in fact, I had less. For everything in the Lord I laid down, I just picked up more things in the world.

I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I made excuses for myself. The Lord's people are gracious, and even though they know you are not doing your part, they are not going to beat you up or condemn you. They are still going to love you and pray for you. They are going to do more to make up for what you're not doing.

I coasted for a long time with few problems, until the Lord sent me a wake up call. I made a mistake and I received some chastisement. It wasn't bad or hard, but I felt so condemned. The truth is I felt very sorry for myself and the devil was more than willing to attend my "pity party." I shared with him all of my failures and fears,and he held my hand and agreed with everything that I said. In return for my loyalty, he shared with me. He told me that the Lord's people knew all these things about me, that there was no way they could ever love or respect me, and that they no longer wanted me to be a part. When I was totally condemned and cut off, he shared with me his ultimate lie -- "You were never the Lord's, you will never be the Lord's, you have no hope." He is such a liar!

I was so miserable, but no matter what I tried I just kept falling lower and lower. This was not the first time I had thrown a "pity party" for myself, but it was the first time I could not end it when I wanted to. No matter how many times I called out to the Lord, I felt I could not reach Him. I know now that the Lord had never left me, and that it was I who had turned away from Him. I had invited the enemy into my heart, and when I tried to make him leave I had nothing left with which to fight him. I had taken off my armor and thrown down my weapons along the way to lighten my load out in the world. The Lord never leaves us without a way of escape, and He reminded me of the audio tapes I used to listen to, and how they had always helped me. As I listened to His Word, I began to see my condition and I felt a new hope that I could find my way back. I was able to reach out to the Lord's people, and of course, they were faithful to me.

I was desperate for anything that the Lord would send me and I really wanted to learn what He was trying to teach me. At school, if I have something important to learn I write it on a notecard to carry with me to study, and I decided to write down what the Lord was trying to teach me. I know everyone's "notecard" would be different, and mine contained just some very simple, basic truths that I had been hearing for years. I must confess that even in this I felt a little condemned. After being under the word for fifteen years I was ashamed to have to go back and learn these simple things, but when I needed to know them, they were not in my heart. I know, also, that if we are the Lord's it does not matter if we have to start over every day, we are going to finish right on time.

THE LORD WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU -- do not entertain any thoughts contrary to this.

Be in the services -- if you are separated from the body you become easy prey.

Do not allow yourself to be cut off from fellowship -- it is just as vital to your life as water or oxygen.

Communicate with the Lord's people every day, even if it's only to call someone to say hello. If you don't know who to call ask the Lord to put someone on your heart. They may need a touch just as much as you.

Guard your tongue -- if it is not edifying don't say it. Use your communication to build up the Lord's people.

It is better to do all things well and as unto the Lord, than to strive to do one thing perfectly. Don't let anything, even a good thing, become a false idol.

Stress is the world's deadliest demon -- anything that causes you anxiety is not from the Lord and is harmful to you.

Chastisement is from the Lord -- accept it and use it to grow. Let go of any condemnation. It is selfish to dwell on something that the Lord has been gracious enough to deliver you from. Move on and serve the Lord.

If you feel your brother has something against you, go to him. If you are entertaining evil imaginations, talking to him will cast them down. If he does have something against you, talking to him will set you both free.

The Lord's people, and especially the deacons and elders, love and care for each member of the body. They are charged to watch over our souls. Their only desire is to help and restore us.

You can only be what the Lord makes you. Be content with what He has given you and grateful if He blesses you with more.

I appreciated the Lord helping me and each day that I listened to His word and used what He had given me, I felt better. When the enemy came to me speaking lies, I could hang on and speak the truth back to him. I know the Lord was helping me to put my armor back on and build my arsenal back up.

If my testimony was that the Lord had delivered me from this trial, I could honestly write that He had given me far more than I deserved and I would be eternally grateful to Him. But, my testimony is that the Lord gave me so much, that even if I gave away half, my cup would still be overflowing. He instilled in me a new fear and respect for Him and His power over my life. He gave me a peace in knowing that I am totally dependent on Him, and that He will never leave me nor forsake me. He delivered me from things that I know have followed since I was a child. I am so thankful that every day His mercies really are new. If I ever write another testimony, I hope I will be able to confess that the Lord counted me faithful in whatever He had planned for me, but if not I know it doesn't matter. For His people, no matter the circumstances, our testimony will always end the same way, with the Lord blessing us in a mighty way.

His Grace Is Sufficient

Thou shall not have any other Gods before me. I am a jealous God. Has God ever spoken that to you?

We may love God and worship him, but we may not realize that He is a jealous God. Many times we are consumed with our lives and what is important to us and what we want. I feel like the Lord has shown me much about myself and has revealed to me sin in my life. The sin in my life was not having faith or believing God. The faith that I had was in myself, not in my creator. I did my best to make it happen.

I was brought up in a Christian home and as a young person was tender toward the Lord. I wanted to please the Lord and to be the kind of person I thought He wanted me to be. I even considered that He wanted me to be a missionary, after all, when you dedicate your life to the LORD, what else did it mean? I think without realizing it, I felt my approval of the Lord was based on what I did or what I could do for Him. Not until I was grown did I realize that my salvation was based on what the Lord did for me and not on what I could do for Him.

The cross is a great mystery that only comes through revelation from God. He has to open our blind eyes to reveal to us what his dying on the cross did for us. The Lord showed me that my way is opposite from God's way and that in itself forms a cross. Until we embrace the cross we cannot comprehend or even understand His great love for us. I believe as we grow in Grace and understanding of the word, we learn about His great love and what He has done for us. What we can do for Him becomes of little or no importance.

As I became a young woman, I met my husband. We were teenage sweet hearts. We married very early and I became a mother at age 17. My husband was a very conscientious young man and a hard worker. He became involved in his work with great ambitions to succeed. I loved being a mother and I wanted to be the best mother I knew how to be, believing that would please God. I'm sure he does want us to be good mothers and hard workers, but I believe we need to learn to put everything in the right perspective. Satan can use good and right things and still deceive us.

As my marriage continued we had three children. My husband became successful in his own business. Before I knew it, my children became the object of my affection. I believe they were more important to me than my marriage, my husband and even God. I know now that is out of order. I am convinced that God became jealous of my idols. How could He bless me when our home was out of order? The Lord showed me that my affections had become what the scriptures refer to as inordinate affections (not normal). I looked to my children to bring me satisfaction, happiness and fulfillment. I became a controlling force in their lives. I became enslaved to them and what they did and who and what they were. I had expectations that would never be met. I expected perfection. The love I had for my children was nothing more than a selfish desire to puff me up. God was not interested in how good a mother I could be, or how good my children were. The truth is that God is the only one that is good. There is none good but God.

It was the goodness and mercy of God that brought my "perfect world," (children, family, etc.) down. He loved me so much that he allowed all my false impressions of what I thought was so important to crumble.

My oldest daughter who had always been very obedient and a model child was beautiful and everything to be proud of. She came home one day, right after her 20th birthday to tell me that she was a lesbian. For me to be able to even speak these words is a miracle, for at the time I was so ashamed and devastated. How could God allow this to happen to me? It could not be so. We had never had any real problems. We had good children, a successful business and were active in church. I thought we were doing all the right things. My nightmare had begun. My dreams were shattered, my heart broken.

Our pastor was as surprised and shocked as we were. He had always thought a lot of our daughter and had a lot of respect for her and our family. He talked with her, but to no avail. Her eyes were blinded. She had been swept into deception by things that we had unknowingly allowed. The scripture, "All things work together for good to them that love God and are the called according to his purpose" was so hard to understand. How could this work together for good? I could not understand, nor did I want to.

Pastor prayed with us and told us that this would be a trial of our faith, but that God's grace was sufficient. What? I didn't want grace, I wanted God to fix this mess! I became depressed and I believe I went through a nervous breakdown. I didn't seek a doctor's help because I couldn't even discuss this painful ordeal with anyone. I do know that God has been with me all the while though. I thank him for never leaving me or forsaking me, even though at times I thought He seemed unreachable.

Our daughter was confused and this was a very painful thing for her, because she didn't understand it herself. She loved us and didn't want to hurt us, so all she could do was separate herself from us. I thought I couldn't live. I would have bad days and then I would rise above it with God's help and from my husband and supportive friends and church family members. Then I would take a nose-dive and get lost in my self pity. The emotional roller coaster was never ending.

I prayed continually but never really came to rest. My relationship with my husband suffered tremendously. I found myself blaming my husband, God, myself and never finding peace. I lost confidence in myself. What a wretched person I became.

I can't really say that one particular incident or thing turned things around. I believe, time, prayer, and above all, a faithful loving God did. I always believed that somehow God would fix things, I knew that He could. I held on to that with all my might. I struggled with all my being and fought with all I knew. Somehow God granted me GRACE to be able to LET IT ALL GO and surrender. He showed me He was in control, even though I couldn't understand it all. He helped me to know He loved me enough to upset my "perfect world." Being perfect, having perfect children (which doesn't even exist) was not what He was after. His purpose was to lead me in and through all these things to humble me, to prove me (try me) that I would know what He had placed in my heart.

He showed me that, He loved me so much, that He sent His only Son, whom He loved even more than I could love my own child. To take upon Himself my sins and die for me. He revealed to me the cross and showed me that I could trust Him and know that He was God and that I could believe He rewards those that diligently seek Him.

It is what He has done for me that has made the difference, not what I can do for him. It is done. Praise God! To let go and let God have his way is nigh impossible IF WE DON'T LET HIM WORK IT IN US. I thank God that he is long suffering and patient. I thank God that I am FREE. Free to be me and to trust Him to be God, to trust Him with my children, which are still very important to me, (but in the proper perspective). He is able to save to the uttermost and it is His Business, because He is God and beside Him there is no other.

My being free has helped my relationship with my daughter. I am looking to Him to give me the grace I need daily in every situation. She is in his hands, I know that God will not lose one of his children. God loves his children enough to let them make mistakes and learn His ways, to show us ourselves and our own selfishness.

My life is on the right track and things are in order. I have a peace that passes all understanding and the things that were in my head have been placed in my heart. My husband, praise God, has stood beside me and loved me all the way. God is so good. His grace is truly sufficient to carry us through whatever he allows to come our way. He leads His dear children along and gives us victory in the midst of the most devastating trial. I know whom I have believed and I am persuaded and believe that He is able to keep all that I have committed unto him until that day. I rejoice knowing that nothing can separate me from the love of God. Thank God that He is faithful.

Till We're Entirely His!

"Let your endurance be a finished product, so that you may be finished and complete, with never a defect."
( James 1:4 { Moffatt } )

Many of us are "okay in the main", but there's some domains in which we're "slipshod". It's not a question of sin, but of the remnants of the carnal life (i.e. the flesh) which are apt to make us slovenly. Slovenliness is an insult to the Holy Spirit. There should be nothing slovenly, whether it be in the way we eat and drink, or in the way we worship God.

Not only must our relationship to God be right, but the external expression of that relationship must be right, also. Ultimately God won't let anything escape---every detail's under His scrutiny. In numberless ways, God'll bring us back to the same point over and over again. He never tires of bringing us to the one point until we learn the lesson, because He's producing the finished product. It may be a question of impulse, and again and again, with the most persistent patience, God has brought us back to the one particular point; or it may be mental wool-gathering, or independent individuality. God's trying to impress upon us the one thing that's not entirely right.

We've been having a wonderful time "this Session" over the revelation of God's Redemption, our hearts are perfect towards Him; His wonderful work in us makes us know that in the main we're right with Him. "Now," says the Spirit, through James, "let your endurance be a finished product." Let's watch the slipshod bits---"Oh, that'll have to do for now." Whatever it is, God'll point it out with persistence until we're entirely His.

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