Who Is Most Religious?
A Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim were having a
discussion about who was the most religious.
"I was riding my camel in the middle of the Sahara,"
exclaimed the Muslim. Suddenly a fierce sandstorm
appeared from nowhere. I truly thought my end had come
as I lay next to my camel while we were being buried
deeper and deeper under the sand. But I did not lose my
faith in the Almighty Allah. I prayed and prayed and
suddenly, for a hundred metres all around me, the storm
had stopped. Since that day I am a devout Muslim and am
now learning to recite the Quran by memory."
"One day while fishing," started the Christian, " I
was in my little dinghy in the middle of the ocean.
Suddenly a fierce storm appeared from nowhere. I truly
thought my end had come as my little dinghy was tossed
up and down in the rough ocean. But I did not lose my
faith in Jesus Christ. I prayed and prayed and suddenly,
for 300 metres all around me, the storm had stopped.
Since that day I am a devout Christian and am now
teaching young children about Him."
"One day I was walking down the road," explained the
Jew, " I was in my most expensive designer outfit in the
middle of New York city. Suddenly I saw a black bag on
the ground in front of me appear from nowhere. I put my
hand inside and found that it was full of cash. I truly
thought my end had come as it was a Saturday and we are
not allowed to handle money on the Sabbath. But I did
not lose my faith in my G-D! I prayed and prayed and
suddenly, for 500 metres all around me, it was
Tuesday... "
King David admits of adultery, murder of servant.
Jerusalem--In a stunning admission of guilt last
night King David acknowledged that he had an
"inappropriate relationship" with Bathsheba, the wife of
his loyal servant Uriah the Hittite, which resulted not
only in her pregnancy but in the betrayal and murder of
Uriah as he fought in the Royal Army during the Ammonite
War.
David made the confession after it was clear that his
confidant Nathan T. Prophet, who had been subpoenaed by
indepedent counsel H.A. Seytan, would cooperate with the
investigation into the affair. It is rumored that
Prophet has received inside information from a source in
"high places" about David's involvement in the scandal.
"Have mercy on me, O God," a contrite David said in
his speech. "Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and
cleanse me from my sin." While some believe the
sincerity of his plea, many question whether David's
confession is just another "song and dance" he has
written for inclusion in his growing collection of
Psalms. Temple insiders admit that because of the
"immoral" nature of David's actions, they are now
debating whether his Book of Psalms can even be included
in the sacred canon.
Independent Counsel Seytan, rebounding from his
failed probe into Job's faith claims, said in a
statement today that he feels vindicated by the recent
turn of events. Because he is still completing his
report into the Bathsheba affair, Seytan declined
further comment. He did say before disappearing in a
puff of smoke that he intends to "get to the bottom" of
the enigmatic claim made by the King last night when he
also admitted that he "was born guilty, a sinner when my
mother conceived me." "If the King's been guilty for
that long," Seytan said, "I wonder what else he's trying
to hide."
Although Seytan's report will not be released for
another few weeks, pundits speculate that it may force
the King to resign. Legal experts say the Bathsheba
affair, with its adultery, murder, and coveting,
violates at least three of the Ten Commandments.
Political foes of David, who have questioned his
kingship since his involvement in the mysterious death
of Goliath T. Giant, argue that the King has never been
fit for office. "I've seen the Messiah," one senior
prophet said on background. "The Messiah is a vision of
mine, and believe me, King David is no Messiah."
