A BUS DRIVER'S TALE
A Bus Driver's Tale A young man gets a job as a bus
driver for the Sesame Street School Company. Boy is he
excited! It's his first day on the job. He arrives at
his first stop, opens the doors and looks out at his
first passengers. And there he sees a mother and her two
daughters. The mother looks into the bus and says,
"You're new aren't you?" The bus driver says, "Yes
ma'am, I am." She says, "Well, I'd like you to meet my
two little girls. This is Patty Sue and this is Patty
Anne." And when he takes a good look at the girls, he
simply can't believe his eyes. These kids are big.
Really big. I'd like to be kind, but these girls are
fat. The mother says, "Now Patty Sue and Patty Anne are
big for their age..." He keeps his tongue under control.
She says, "I'd like you to give my two little girls
individual seats of their own on your bus." "No
problem," he says, as the two girls squeeze down the
aisle and find their seats. He closes the door and
drives to the next stop.
He opens the bus doors and he sees a mother and her
young son. The mother looks at him and says, "You're
new, aren't you?" He says, "Yes, ma'am, I am." She says,
"Well, I'd like you to meet my son Josh. He's very
special." And he looks down at what can only be
described as the nerd to end all nerds. The boy wears
thick glasses with white tape holding them together. He
has pencils in his shirt pocket. He has the shortsleeved
dress shirt. He has the white socks and sandals. The
mother says, "My Josh is very special. I want you to
give him a very special seat on your bus. I want him to
sit up front every day." "No problem," says our driver,
as Josh proudly seats himself right up front. The bus
driver closes the door and goes to the next stop.
He opens the bus doors and sees a mother and another
little boy. The mother looks at him and says, (you
guessed it) "You're new aren't you?" He says, "Yes,
ma'am, I am." She says, "Well, my name is Mrs. Cleese,
and this is my son Lester." And when the driver looks at
Lester, it's a pitiful sight to behold. The poor little
guy obviously has foot problems. He's limping painfully.
The mother says, "Lester has problems with his feet."
The driver nods sympathetically. The mother says, "I
want you to help Lester as he gets on and off your bus
everyday, so that he will not trip, stumble, or fall."
The driver says, "No problem," and he helps Lester limp
to his seat.
And then, as he closes the bus doors and drives away,
he sees in his rearview mirror that Lester has removed
his shoes and socks and is picking at the largest, most
grotesque bunions he has ever seen. It's disgusting, the
way that Lester picks at his feet. Our driver shudders
and drives on. He delivers the kids to school and
returns to the bus barn. He parks the bus and finds his
supervisor. He walks right up to the boss and yells, "I
QUIT!" The boss says, "Whaddya mean, you quit?" The bus
driver replies, "There's no future in this job." The
boss says, "What are you talking about?"
And the bus driver answers, "Well here's my problem.
How could I take a job where all I would have to look
forward to every day would be TWO OBESE PATTYS, SPECIAL
JOSH AND LESTER CLEESE PICKING BUNIONS ON A SESAME
STREET BUS?"
