INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV
DINNER PRODUCT
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so
you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV
dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your
dinner (which would constitute an infringement of
Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell
and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them
how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner
into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:
\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@@50%heat//
Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press
start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the
ingredients of the dinner (found on the package label),
the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of
cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the
time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your
specification.
Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in
which case your oven must be restarted. This is a simple
procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter
ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap.
This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging
the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this
doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.
Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far
too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many
useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are
for future menu items.
If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will
need to upgrade your equipment. Dinners are only
available from registered outlets, and only the chicken
variety is currently produced. If you want another
variety, call MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that
you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken
is all you really need.
Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all
smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future
releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess
chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved
only in Microsoft approved packaging.
Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after
'2000. However, that version has yet to be released.
Users have permission to get thrilled in advance.
Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners
in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost.
This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably
should have been defrosted anyway.
