Addicted to Coffee
You know
you are addicted to coffee if ...
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
The only time you're standing still is during an
earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away
without using the timer.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this
week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails. The nurse
needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you
realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic
stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee
mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with
an I.V. hookup.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You answer the door before people knock.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
