Haven And Earth-3 Year Old Tells All

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall. By Shannon
Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does
it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in the
library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often
comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you
never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked.
There have been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning
of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never
have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with
me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom
that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second
to the last stall: ''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you
putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da
toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go
stinkies on the potty?''

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the
bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we
could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this
stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a
good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the
potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh...Mommy! I'm trying to see In
dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get
some candy!''

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of
me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This
was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time
before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in
Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have
some!''
''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies..
Oh! Mommy!' He started to gag at this point. ''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink
I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is
so gross!!''

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.. I
quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the
subject. I began to reason with myself: OK.. There are four other
toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that
those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going
stinkies! Get up! Get up!'' He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I
could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my
door. ''Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da
door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?''

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the
situation.
''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now,
Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door. ''Mommy, don't you want to
wash your hands? I want to go out!!''

I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the
door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies
crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.
My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's the
fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of
my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin
while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought,
I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little
fellow.

(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three She lives with
her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public
restrooms)
You must pass this on to all the mothers who have had embarrassing
moments with their children. Isn't it great to be a parent!!!